The Aurelio Column: CrimeFest as seen from the sidelines

Have you – like me – been in the sun today? What a scorcher! We all need our shades in this don’t we? I also need a brush as it’s dusty out there. But that will have to wait as I have news for you …

Assistant Editor Aurelio here.  She who is in charge is planning on swotting tonight for the Criminal Mastermind event tomorrow.  I reckon she’ll be asleep soon though.  Mixing with the crime fiction crachach is knackering stuff.  Today she met P D James and she tells me the fine lady is in fine fettle and as lovely as ever.  She also got accosted – yes, accosted no less – by a Mr Kevin Wignall who writes books for people with curious minds.  He’d noticed he’d had a mention here in our ‘To be/recognise a crime fiction addict …’ post.  He then gave her his long list of perfectly sound reasons why he has his name on Google Alert.   So now I am wondering if he’ll pick up on this mention.  Mr Wignall, sir, do you love my shades?  I’d love to be in Bristol to compare with you but I don’t travel well.  The South Wales Constabulary just don’t have the manpower to deal with my female fans when I stray too far, so I’m sort of grounded here.  They call it a PUFFFBO – a PUrrfectly FluFFY Behavioural Order.

One day though, one day, I’ll make it to one of these crime fickery events where I can be the true star I deserve to be and meet all my fans.  And when I get to as big a following as that big thriller writer Lee Child, I’ll be on a panel too.  I just know it.  No, I’ll be interviewed one-on-one by that sensitive and earnest journo Prof Barry Forshaw.  And when my self-pubbed novel comes out, working title – Aurelio and The Case of The Serial Killer Kitty – Jake Kerridge will fly over to interview me for the Telegraph, just like he did for Yrsa in Iceland.  And the lovely Andrew Taylor will review it in the Spectator and get everyone and Boris to read it.  Then Oli Munson and Philip Patterson will go to fisticuffs at dawn to represent me, especially when those fabulous ladies on the east coast of America discover me, as they did for E L James.  You know, that ‘mommy porn’ author.  (Oops, I’m not allowed to say that and she’s back.  I’d better hide now.)

Love and smoochies to Ilaria of Hersilia Press, Sarah Hilary, Karen Eurocrime-Meek, and @suzi187 and her hubs.  Good luck to she who is in charge tomorrow.  Ciao my bellas!  Gotta go, I am so out of here—

[Editor ‘She …’: because a cat can dream.]

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